Bijoux: Carrying Dad’s Love - Music and Finding Strength
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In this episode, Bijoux reflects on how her dad shaped her approach to love, how music has been a tool for healing, and how therapy helped her accept that she didn’t have to be "the strong one" all the time.
This episode is part of The Grief Podcast, brought to you by Kenzie’s Gift and funded by SkyCity Auckland Community Trust. Kenzie’s Gift was founded by Nic Russell after her three-year-old daughter Kenzie died of cancer. Nic saw how few mental health services existed for grieving tamariki and mātātahi, so she set out to change that. Through this podcast, we’re creating space for real, open conversations about death, grief, and the love that carries on—so young people don’t have to grieve alone.
Stream now on all major podcast platforms or listen below.
Introduction
Welcome to the Kenzie’s Gift Grief Podcast, a series of honest conversations about what it’s like to experience the death of a loved one and the ways we navigate our emotions. Kenzie’s Gift is a New Zealand charity that provides mental health support for young people (under 24) who have been affected by the death of a parent or sibling. In this episode, host Sasha speaks with Bijoux — who lost her father at age 19—about the realities of loss, remembering her dad through creativity, and finding her own way forward.
Episode Overview
Guest:
Bijoux, 25 years old, passionate about music, works at the Auckland Philharmonic Orchestra.
Key Topics:
Sudden death of a parent
Coping strategies and how they evolve
The importance of safe spaces and professional support
Honoring a loved one’s memory in everyday life
Below is the lightly formatted transcript from the conversation.
Podcast Transcript
Introduction & Sponsor Acknowledgment
Nic (Founder of Kenzie’s Gift):
Hi everyone, I’m Nic, founder of Kenzie’s Gift. I’d like to welcome you to the grief podcast, brought to you by Kenzie’s Gift. We’re a New Zealand charity that provides mental health support for young Kiwis who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling.
We don’t avoid talking about death here. It’s hard, it’s real, and it changes everything. This podcast is a place for honest conversations about what it’s like when someone in your life dies, how grief shows up, and what comes next.
I’d like to say a huge thank-you to SkyCity Auckland Community Trust for funding this podcast and making these conversations possible.
Sasha (Host):
I’m Sasha, your host. When I was 17 my mum died of breast cancer—it turned my life upside down. I got support from Kenzie’s Gift, and now I’m sitting down with other rangatahi who, like me, have had a loved one die. Grief is different for everyone; some days it hits you hard, other days you feel nothing. There’s no right or wrong way to deal with it, but one thing we do know: talking about grief makes it feel less lonely.
We’ll talk about death, grief, love, memories, and everything in between. If something in this episode feels like too much, you don’t have to push through—pause, take a break, come back when you’re ready.
Getting to Know Bijoux
Sasha:
In this episode, I’m talking to Bijoux, whose father died when she was 19. She’s now 25, passionate about music, and works for the Auckland Philharmonic Orchestra. We discuss all things from honoring her dad to how he still influences her life today. Stay tuned! Bijoux, welcome to the podcast. I’m so grateful to have you here to talk about your loved one. Can you start by sharing who he was and what he means to you?
Bijoux:
Absolutely. My loved one was my dad. He passed away in 2018 at 52 years old. He was an amazing father. If I had to summarize who he was, I’d say he really exemplifies how your capacity to love others is something that makes you strong. Love can increase vulnerability, but it doesn’t make you weak—it shows real strength.
The Influence of a Loving Parent
Sasha:
That’s beautiful. It sounds like he had a profound way of understanding and holding space for people. How has that influenced you today?
Bijoux:
He really took people as they were, without judgment. He built strong relationships and friendships because he saw them wholly. After his passing, I realized how deeply he impacted his friends. I’ve reflected on that a lot, and it’s made me more intentional about really listening to people, being present, and letting them feel cared for—just like he did.
Grief at a Young Age
Sasha:
You were 19 when your dad passed away. How do you feel your experience of grief has evolved over the years?
Bijoux:
It’s changed profoundly. At first, because his death was sudden, I just used avoidance and distraction—it’s a survival tactic. Over time, I learned that grief isn’t something to be fixed or solved; it’s part of the experience of loss. Now, I lean more toward accepting that grief is natural. It can be messy, but it’s also tied to the memories I treasure.
Embracing Grief & Accepting Emotions
Sasha:
How do you ‘sit’ with your grief these days?
Bijoux:
I try to do it gently. I’m usually quite organized and busy, and before, I’d push grief aside. But you can’t schedule it away. Now I allow myself to feel it, without trying to tidy it up into something presentable. Early on, I didn’t share those deep emotions with everyone—only with trusted people who could hold the space.
Sources of Support
Sasha:
Who or what helped you most in navigating your loss—friends, resources, or therapy?
Bijoux:
My friends saved my life, truly. They treated me as a normal person, not like I was broken. My family was grieving too, so sometimes we were all in our own spaces. But my friends were my rock. Beyond that, I realized I also needed professional help. That’s where Kenzie’s Gift came in; therapy was huge for me. It wasn’t just about my dad’s passing but about the many other things impacted by that loss.
Asking for Help
Sasha:
Sometimes asking for help can be the hardest part, right? How did you reach the point of deciding, “Okay, I need support”?
Bijoux:
I got tired of being the ‘tough’ one trying to keep everything together for my family. At 19, I thought I could carry it all, but I couldn’t. I wanted someone trained to hold space for me, where I wouldn’t feel guilty sharing my sadness. Accepting that I needed help—especially from a therapist—was scary at first, but ultimately it was a huge relief. It felt safe.
Honoring a Parent’s Legacy
Sasha:
I’d love to hear more about your dad. Is there something special about him that you see in yourself now?
Bijoux:
Creativity. My father was deeply creative—he was into fashion design, bodybuilding, graphic design, illustration, and he played electric guitar. I’m also into music and the arts. Knowing we share that helps me feel connected to him. People sometimes say I look like him, or even behave like him. I used to feel insecure about being ‘masculine,’ but now I see it as an honor: I’m carrying part of who he was.
Life After Loss
Sasha:
What do you think he’d be proud of in who you are today?
Bijoux:
Honestly, I think he’d be proud of everything—from how much I’ve grown to the work I’m doing in the arts. I help look after classical musicians at the Auckland Philharmonic and manage a rock band on the side. He’d be overjoyed to see me happy and following a creative path.
If You Had One More Day
Sasha:
If you had one more day with him, what would you want to do or say?
Bijoux:
I’d want to have a conversation as two adults—to ask him about his life, his stories, and how he navigated challenges. I’d also tell him, “We’re okay. You laid such a strong foundation for us. You did everything right. We love you, and we’re good.”
A Word to Those Facing Grief
Sasha:
What would you say to someone currently going through grief or supporting someone who is?
Bijoux:
You are not alone. Even in the loneliest moments, there are people who care. Grief isn’t the end of your story. It’s a deeply painful experience, but there’s more waiting for you. And it’s okay to take your time—don’t rush the process. Reach out for help if you need it. There is life beyond this.
Closing & Support Resources
Sasha:
Thank you so much, Bijoux, for sharing your story. It’s been invaluable hearing how you remember your dad and navigate life without him.
Grief can be tough—you don’t have to do it alone. If this episode brought anything up for you, talk to someone you trust, whether it’s a friend, family member, or professional.
New Zealand Support
Kenzie’s Gift offers one-on-one therapy for people under 24, plus resources and support kits at www.kenziesgift.com.
Outside New Zealand
Check in with your local support services, GP, or a school counselor.
If you need urgent help, please contact emergency services.
Final Note
Thank you for listening to the Kenzie’s Gift Grief Podcast. We appreciate your time and your openness in exploring these deeply personal conversations. Remember, you never have to face grief alone.
