Books on death and grief for tamariki / children

Finding the words to explain death and grief to our tamariki / children can be really hard. Well-written books provide us with useful ways of framing the concepts of death and grief, which can support you in your discussions with your taitamaiti / child.‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎ ‎

Children may find storylines or characters they identify with, helping them to feel less alone. There are so many books on death and grief out there; it’s about finding the ones that fit with your child’s age and personality, and your family’s beliefs. When you find a book that resonates with you and your whānau, treasure it! Keep it on the bookshelf and return to it over time as a way of opening up the conversation about the death of your loved one with your tamariki.

The Hare-Shaped Hole by John Dougherty

Age guide: 0-6

Hertle and Bertle were always a pair, though one was a turtle and one was a hare. They were utterly buddies, and best friends forever, and whenever you looked, you would find them together... until quite unexpectedly... the end came.

When Hertle hare dies, she leaves a hare-shaped hole behind. Bertle finds himself alone, struggling with a flood of big feelings. Then he meets wise Gerda bear, who shows Bertle how to fill the hare-shaped hole with memories of his friend. He learns to carry Hertle’s memory with him and it helps him to feel a little bit better.

This hopeful book is based on the concept of the five stages of grief, which we don’t recognise as an accurate grief model at Kenzie’s Gift. But we still have so much praise for this book! It's a sensitive and thoughtful way of talking about what grief feels like. The illustrations are a high point - bright and captivating for young tamariki, they bring the concepts to life as the ‘hole’ left by Hertle gradually fills with colours and stars.

The Memory Tree by Britta Teckentrup

Age guide: 0-8

Fox dies peacefully in a clearing in the forest, and his body is covered with snow. The other animals loved fox, and at first they are lost for words. Then slowly, the animals begin to share their memories of fox: beautiful, special memories that make them smile and laugh. As they talk, a tiny orange tree beings to sprout from the spot where fox’s body lies. The tree grows tall and provides a place of shelter and community for all the animals in the forest.

This beautiful book brings together themes of the natural life cycle, and the beauty and strength we can draw from memories of our loved one.

The Boy and the Gorilla by Jackie Azua Kramer

Age guide: 4-8

In this unique book, a boy whose mum has just died finds an imaginary friend – a gorilla. The boy talks with the gorilla, sharing his feelings, thoughts and worries. The gorilla understands what the boy needs, and always has something comforting to say. He explains death and grief to the boy in simple, clear language. As the boy gets closer to his father, who is also grieving, the gorilla begins to take a step back.

As the boy and his dad share memories and do activities together, the gorilla fades into the distance. Filled with age-appropriate concepts and explanations about death and grief, this book is a wonderful companion for tamariki / children grieving for a loved one.

Mum’s Jumper by Jayde Perkin

Age guide: 6-10

A simple, powerful story based on the idea that our lives grow around our grief over time. We see grief through the eyes of a girl whose mum has died.  She describes what she sees and hears, how her body feels, and how she experiences the world in those very first days as she finds out that these feelings are called grief.

The girl finds her mum’s favourite jumper: it smells like her mum and she wears it every day. As time passes, the jumper begins to get smaller on her, and she doesn’t feel the need to wear it so often. Her dad explains that grief is just like the jumper – it stays the same size as we gradually grow bigger. A beautiful way of showing tamariki that grief stays with you always, but that the way it feels changes as you and your life grow around it.

Cory’s Rock by Sita Brahmachari

Age guide: 8 - 12

This moving story weaves many threads together as 10-year-old Isla moves with her parents from the big city to a small town in the Orkney islands after her younger brother’s death. Isla grieves for her brother and finds that her parents grieve in different ways from her own. She discovers a local folk legend – the legend of the selkies – that draws her in and connects her to their island home. Isla sees her brother in the selkies’ story, bringing his memory to join them in this new, unfamiliar place. Gradually the family begins to adjust to their new life and find ways to live alongside their grief.

Corey’s Rock is a story of legend and belonging, fantasy and reality, grief and hope for the future – a wonderful book the helps older tamariki discover these themes in an engaging and beautifully illustrated story.

Written by Jenny Zilmer