Lucy: From Pain to Peace—How my Memories of Dad Have Changed
In this episode, Lucy shares how therapy helped her navigate feelings of guilt, how she learned to let happiness back in, and how even the smallest memories—like a trip to Bunnings—have transformed from painful to precious.
This episode is part of The Grief Podcast, brought to you by Kenzie’s Gift and funded by SkyCity Auckland Community Trust. Kenzie’s Gift was founded by Nic Russell after her daughter Kenzie died of cancer at age three. Having lived through the unimaginable, Nic created Kenzie’s Gift to provide mental health support to tamariki and mātātahi facing serious illness or grief. This podcast is a space for honest kōrero about death, grief, love, and everything in between—so no young Kiwi has to face it alone.
Stream now on all major podcast platforms or listen below.
Introduction
Welcome to the Kenzie’s Gift Grief Podcast, a space for real, honest discussions about what it’s like to lose a loved one and how we navigate the aftermath. Kenzie’s Gift is a New Zealand charity offering mental health support to young people (under 24) who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling. In this episode, host Sasha talks with Lucy—who lost her dad at age 11—about how memories can change over time, turning painful recollections into loving tributes.
Episode Overview
Guest: Lucy, 20, with a deep love for animals (especially horses!)
Key Topics:
- Processing loss of a parent in childhood
- Changing grief emotions over the years
- Allowing oneself to feel all the feelings
- Finding new ways to honor a loved one
Below is a lightly edited transcript for clarity and readability.
Podcast Transcript
Intro & Sponsor Acknowledgment
Nic (Founder of Kenzie’s Gift)
Kia ora everyone, I’m Nic, founder of Kenzie’s Gift. Welcome to the grief podcast—brought to you by Kenzie’s Gift, a New Zealand charity providing mental health support for young Kiwis who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling.
We don’t avoid talking about death here. It’s hard, it’s real, and it changes everything. This podcast is a place for open conversations about grief and what comes after someone in your life dies.
We’d like to extend a huge thank-you to SkyCity Auckland Community Trust for funding this podcast and making these discussions possible.
Sasha (Host)
I’m Sasha, your host. I lost my mum to breast cancer at 17. Kenzie’s Gift supported me, and now I’m talking with other rangatahi about how they’ve handled loss. Some days,
I’m Sasha, your host. My mum died of breast cancer when I was 17, and I received support from Kenzie’s Gift. Now, I’m speaking with other rangatahi who’ve lost a loved one, about how grief can be unpredictable—one day overwhelming, the next day numb. While everyone’s journey is different, sharing our stories can help us feel less alone.
In this episode, I chat with Lucy, who lost her dad at age 11. She’s now 20 and passionate about animals. We explore how painful memories can evolve into happier ones over time. Stay tuned!
Meeting Lucy & Her Dad’s Story
Sasha
Lucy, welcome to the podcast! Can you tell us about your loved one and what they meant to you?
Lucy
Sure. My dad died when I had just turned eleven. He was sick for four years. I was definitely a daddy’s girl, so losing him was a massive shift. He felt like my safety net—this provider who made me feel special and loved.
Favourite Memories & Father-Daughter Adventures
Sasha
What’s one of your favourite memories with him?
Lucy
Going on a trip down south stands out. We camped in the car, went on giant water slides, and jumped on those big inflatable pillows at the campsite. It was just me and him, having a blast. Even the little, everyday things—like going to Mitre 10 or Bunnings—feel special in hindsight.
Evolving Emotions: From Pain to Positive
Sasha
You mentioned places like Mitre 10 or Bunnings were once hard for you. Has that changed?
Lucy
Initially, I tried to avoid them because they felt emotional. Over time, I’ve learned to associate them with happy memories. It’s been a shift from painful reminders to a more positive connection.
Processing Grief Through Therapy & Self-Reflection
Sasha
What helped you the most in working through your grief?
Lucy
Definitely seeing a psychologist. For the longest time, I didn’t fully process my emotions. I felt guilty whenever I experienced any positive feelings. Therapy helped me realize it’s okay to move forward without feeling I’m moving on from him. He wouldn’t want me stuck in sadness.
Sitting in Emotions & Finding Balance
Sasha
Grief can be intense. How do you handle the really big feelings?
Lucy
I let myself feel them—often I’ll set a timer for 5-10 minutes to really sit with sadness or anger. After that, I do something positive, like taking a shower or spending time with my horses, Whisper and Harley. I also reach out to people I trust. Balancing solitude with connection helps me cope.
Family Dynamics & Personal Growth
Sasha
How did your dad’s death change your family life and your own perspective?
Lucy
Everything shifted overnight—family roles, finances, even my own sense of security. I also felt pressured to grow up quickly. It’s hard to separate what’s “normal teenage change” from the impact of losing a parent, but it definitely shaped my resilience and empathy.
Seeking Ways to Honour Him
Sasha
You spoke about wanting to honour your dad on important dates. Any plans?
Lucy
I’m still figuring that out. Birthdays or anniversaries used to make me want to avoid talking about him, thinking it might upset my family. Now, I’m starting to consider ways to celebrate him—like doing something outdoorsy or setting aside a special moment on those days. I haven’t decided on specifics yet, but I’m open to it.
Moving Forward Instead of Moving On
Sasha
If you could have one more day with your dad, what would you want?
Lucy
Just a cuddle. I’d want that feeling of safety and love again. I’m the kind of person who chases goals, but this is one thing I can’t achieve—he’s gone, and that’s incredibly tough. I still wrestle with the unfairness of that.
Advice for Others Facing Grief
Sasha
What would you say to someone going through loss, or supporting someone who has?
Lucy
To those grieving: be kind to yourself. Allow yourself to feel all the emotions, no matter how heavy. Your loved one would want that for you. For those supporting someone: validate their feelings. Even a simple hug or “It’s okay to feel this” can mean the world. Don’t rush them or try to fix it—just be there.
Closing Thoughts
Sasha
Lucy, thank you so much for sharing your story. Hearing about your journey and how you’re learning to honour your dad is truly powerful.
Lucy
Thanks for having me. It’s been great to speak about him and hopefully help others feel less alone in their grief.
Closing & Support Resources
Sasha
Grief is tough—you don’t have to go through it alone. If this episode has brought anything up for you, talk with someone you trust—a friend, family member, or professional.
New Zealand Support
Kenzie’s Gift offers one-on-one therapy for under 24s, plus resources and support kits at kenziesgift.com.
Outside New Zealand
Reach out to local support services, a GP, or a school counsellor.
If you need urgent help, please contact emergency services.
Thank you for listening. Take care, and we’ll catch you next time.
