The Grief Podcast by Kenzie’s Gift: A Conversation with Luka
Now 20, Luka reflects on how her grief has changed, how she’s learned to hold both sadness and joy, and why creativity has been such a powerful tool for healing. She shares how writing and storytelling help her stay connected to Kosta, why she no longer feels pressure to grieve in a certain way, and how she carries his memory with her every day.
This episode is part of The Grief Podcast, brought to you by Kenzie’s Gift and funded by SkyCity Auckland Community Trust. Kenzie’s Gift was founded by Nic Russell after her three-year-old daughter Kenzie died of cancer. After seeing how little mental health support was available for grieving tamariki and mātātahi, Nic made it her mission to change that. Through this podcast, we’re creating space for real kōrero about death, grief, and the love that carries on—so young Kiwis don’t have to grieve alone.
Stream now on all major podcast platforms or listen below.
Introduction
Welcome to the Kenzie’s Gift Grief Podcast, where we hold real, open conversations about what it’s like when someone in your life dies—and how that experience shapes you. Kenzie’s Gift is a New Zealand charity providing mental health support to young people (under 24) who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling. In this episode, host Sasha sits down with Luka, whose brother died when she was just 12. They talk about growing up with grief, navigating young adulthood without a sibling, and embracing creativity as a form of expression.
Episode Overview
Guest: Luka, who was 12 when her brother Kosta died of terminal brain cancer
Key Topics:
- The challenges of childhood grief
- Coping strategies for young adults
- Creativity (writing, film, journaling) as an emotional outlet
- Honoring loved ones through daily life and future goals
Below is a lightly edited transcript for clarity and readability.
Podcast Transcript
Opening & Sponsor Acknowledgment
Nic (Founder of Kenzie’s Gift)
Hi everyone, I’m Nic, founder of Kenzie’s Gift. Welcome to the grief podcast, brought to you by Kenzie’s Gift—a New Zealand charity that provides mental health support for young Kiwis who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling.
We don’t avoid talking about death here—it’s hard, it’s real, and it changes everything. This podcast is a place for honest conversations about what happens when someone close to you dies, how grief shows up, and what comes next.
A huge thank-you to SkyCity Auckland Community Trust for funding this podcast and making these conversations possible.
Sasha (Host)
I’m Sasha, your host. When I was 17, my mum died of breast cancer—turning my life upside down. Kenzie’s Gift helped me, and now I’m talking with other rangatahi about how they handle death and grief. There’s no right or wrong way to experience it; some days it’s intense, other days it feels distant. We do know that talking about it can help us feel less alone.
In this episode, I talk with Luka, whose brother Kosta died when she was 12. We chat about how grief evolves as you grow older, and how creativity became a vital way for her to process the death. Stay tuned!
Luka’s Story: Remembering Kosta
Sasha
Luka, thank you for being here. Could you tell us about Kosta—who he was, what he meant to you?
Luka
Thank you, Sasha. It’s a privilege to share. Kosta was my younger brother, and he died of terminal brain cancer (medulloblastoma) when he was 8. I was 12 at the time. Kosta was just this bright, sporty, adventurous kid—he always wanted to be outdoors, competing, playing, exploring. He was super loyal and affectionate, always caring for others. Watching him lose his physical abilities was really heartbreaking because he’d been so active. We had to see his body deteriorate, which was traumatic for all of us.
Childhood Grief and Terminal Illness
Sasha
You mentioned it was a year-long battle. How did it feel going through that as a 12-year-old?
Luka
It was overwhelming. My parents handled most of the medical side—researching, calling doctors—but I saw Kosta go from running around to needing nappies, a wheelchair, everything. After his death, I felt like a giant wave had crashed over us, leavings disoriented for years. Processing those memories takes so long. I’m still coming to terms with it.
Life After Kosta’s Death
Sasha
Did life change drastically at home right after he died?
Luka
Absolutely. The house felt so empty. We’d been focused on Kosta’s needs 24/7 for that year, and suddenly, that intense focus was gone. There’s a huge void. For a while, I felt guilty if I wanted to hang out with friends or do “happy” things, because the overall mood was so sad. Over time, I realized it was okay to find moments of joy—even while grieving.
Creativity & Writing as an Outlet
Sasha
You mentioned you’ve always been creative. How did that connect to grief?
Luka
Kosta and I used to make little films together—he was so full of energy. After he died, for a while I pushed away creativity. Eventually, I felt this emptiness. I realized telling stories and writing is part of who I am—and a way to honour him. Now, journaling and other creative projects are how I process deep emotions. It’s where I can feel what I’m feeling, without worrying how it might affect someone else.
Navigating Young Adulthood
Sasha
You’re in your 20s now. How has your grief evolved over the years?
Luka
It’s an ongoing process. Early on, I was more open—making videos, speaking publicly, doing charity events. Lately, I’ve been more private. My grief is sacred. It comes up when it needs to, and I’ve learned to be okay with that. I don’t always share it with everyone; it’s more intimate. But I’ve also learned the importance of letting it happen. There’s no perfect timeline. Every big event—like starting uni, or meeting new people—brings new layers. I sometimes keep Kosta to myself, but that’s all right too.
Family, Memory & Legacy
Sasha
What helps you feel connected to Kosta now?
Luka
Being close to my other brother helps; in some ways, it feels like an extension of that sibling love. Also, writing and telling stories. Every time I create, I think of Kosta’s excitement and how we bonded. It feels like I’m keeping his spark alive. Our parents also had another child after Kosta died, which gave our family new purpose. Seeing my youngest brother grow is bittersweet—he has similarities to Kosta, but it’s also a healing presence in our home.
Words for Younger Luka
Sasha
If you could speak to 12-year-old Luka right now, what would you say?
Luka
I’d hug him and say, “You’ll be okay. You’re capable of more than you realise, and so is your family. You’ll find ways to honour Kosta’s life that you can’t imagine right now.” Just reminding my younger self that it’s not the end—you can keep living and loving fully, even while carrying grief.
Advice for Those Supporting a Grieving Child
Sasha
What would you suggest to someone who knows a child dealing with a sibling’s death?
Luka
Let kids be kids. Adults need to handle the heavy responsibilities so the child can still experience parts of childhood. Also, encourage some form of expression—writing, art, sports—something that lets them process feelings on their own terms. And don’t pressure them to “grieve properly.” Everyone has different timelines.
Closing Thoughts
Sasha
Luka, thank you so much for sharing. It’s been an honour hearing Kosta’s story and seeing how you’ve woven his energy into your life.
Luka
Thank you for having me. This conversation means a lot, and I hope it helps others feel less alone.
Closing & Support Resources
Sasha
Grief is tough, and you don’t have to do it alone. If anything in this episode felt overwhelming, please talk to someone you trust—a friend, whānau, or a professional.
New Zealand Support
- Kenzie’s Gift offers one-on-one therapy for under 24s, plus resources and support kits at kenziesgift.com.
Outside New Zealand
- Check with your local support services, GP, or school counsellor.
- If you need urgent help, please contact emergency services.
Thank you for listening, take care, and we’ll catch you next time.
