Nina: Keeping Mum Close—Honouring Values and Culture
When Nina’s mum died unexpectedly, life as she knew it changed in an instant. From the fear of answering the phone to the heartbreak of missing her at big milestones, grief has shown up in many ways. But Nina has found comfort in small rituals—carring on mum’s passion for health and nutrition, listening to her favourite songs, and talking to her like she’s still here. She also shares how gratitude has helped her reframe her grief, honour her mum’s joy for life, and find ways to carry her love forward.
This episode is part of The Grief Podcast, brought to you by Kenzie’s Gift and funded by SkyCity Auckland Community Trust. Kenzie’s Gift was founded by Nic Russell after her daughter Kenzie died of cancer at age three. After struggling to find the right support for her own family, Nic built Kenzie’s Gift to provide mental health support to young Kiwis dealing with serious illness or grief. Through this podcast, we’re opening up real conversations about death, grief, and everything in between—so no one has to feel alone.
Stream now on all major podcast platforms or listen below.
Introduction
Welcome to the Kenzie’s Gift Grief Podcast, where we hold open, candid discussions about the reality of death and what follows when someone significant in your life dies. Kenzie’s Gift is a New Zealand charity that provides mental health support for young people (under 24) who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling. In this episode, host Sasha sits down with Nina, whose mum died when Nina was 21. They talk about how gratitude can shape one’s grieving process, what it means to live in a way that honors a loved one, and how to navigate tough conversations about death.
Episode Overview
Guest: Nina, who lost her mum four years ago.
Key Topics:
- Sudden death of a parent
- Practicing gratitude and the lasting impact on grief
- Balancing cultural differences and spiritual beliefs
- Sharing your grief story and allowing others to help
Below is a lightly edited transcript for clarity and readability.
Podcast Transcript
Opening & Sponsor Acknowledgment
Nic (Founder of Kenzie’s Gift)
Kia ora everyone, I’m Nic, founder of Kenzie’s Gift. I’d like to welcome you to the grief podcast, brought to you by Kenzie’s Gift—a New Zealand charity supporting young Kiwis who have experienced the death of a parent or sibling.
We don’t avoid talking about death here—it’s hard, it’s real, and it changes everything. This podcast is a space for honest conversations about what it’s like when someone in your life dies, how grief shows up, and what comes next.
A massive thank-you to SkyCity Auckland Community Trust for funding this podcast and making these conversations possible.
Sasha (Host)
I’m Sasha, your host. When I was 17, my mum died of breast cancer—it completely changed my life. I received support from Kenzie’s Gift, and now I’m speaking with other rangatahi about the many ways death and grief shape our experiences. Everyone is different—some days grief is overwhelming, other days it feels distant. One thing we do know: sharing stories can help us feel less alone.
In this episode, I talk with Nina, whose mum died when she was 21. We discuss how gratitude can influence our grieving process, how her mum inspires her daily life, and ways to navigate difficult conversations around death. Stay tuned!
Getting to Know Nina’s Mum
Sasha
Nina, I’m so excited to have you on the podcast. Let’s begin by hearing about your mum—what was her name and what was she like?
Nina
Thanks for having me, Sasha. My mum’s name was Kaneko. She died four years ago. She was a solo mum for a big part of her life, raising me and my brother. People remember her as gentle and kind—she was very hard-working, too. She’d leave for work at 7 am, come home at 6, then make dinner, pack lunches, and still say “yes” to any activities we wanted to do. She loved nature, gardening, and believed in fueling yourself well with whole foods.
She also had a very playful spirit. She’d say, “Don’t take life too seriously—just have fun.”
The Day Everything Changed
Sasha
You were 21 when you found out your mum died. How did you learn the news?
Nina
It was Christmas Eve, and out of the blue, I got a text: “I’m so sorry to hear about your mum.” My heart sank. I learned that my stepdad and my mum had been riding their bikes, and she died during that ride. She was only 51. I went into shock, but the hardest part was calling my older brother and telling him, “Mum died.” There’s no handbook for how to handle that moment.
Facing Christmas & Anniversaries
Sasha
Christmas Eve has new meaning now. How do you cope with that date?
Nina
It’s definitely challenging—my upbringing around Christmas was never the traditional big family gathering. With Mum gone, it can feel even more isolating when everyone else is celebrating. My brother and I try to create rituals, like spending time together, talking about Mum’s sense of humour and silly stories, or doing things she loved.
Celebrating Who She Was: Love of Nature & Wellness
Sasha
You mentioned your mum loved nature and nutrition. How do you and your brother honour that?
Nina
We do small things, like guided meditations in her memory or simply go outside and enjoy the garden she would have loved. On Mother’s Day, I might wear her clothes, listen to her favourite songs, or get out in nature the way she did. It helps me feel connected to her.
The Power of Being Grateful
Sasha
You mentioned sending gratitude emails to your parents as a teen. Can you share more?
Nina
Absolutely. When I was 16, I wrote a list of everything I appreciated and learned from my parents—how to fuel myself, how to be playful, all those life lessons. I ended up emailing them those lists. It felt good to acknowledge their impact, and they loved hearing it. I’d recommend it to anyone—no matter your age. It’s a healing practice for both sides.
Grief at Milestones: Graduating University
Sasha
What was your university graduation like without your mum physically there?
Nina
It was bittersweet. She always wanted me to graduate; I was the first in the family. A month before the ceremony, I felt a surge of emotions creeping in, knowing she wouldn’t be there on the day. I did have friends and my brother who showed up with so much love, which was like a comforting version of Mum’s hug.
Connecting with Family in Japan
Sasha
I recall you visiting Japan to see your grandparents and bring some of your mum’s ashes. What was that like?
Nina
Intense is the best word. Mum was Japanese, so I was delivering half her ashes to my grandparents. Because they hadn’t seen Mum in years, it felt like her death became real for them only at that moment. There’s also a language barrier, so we used Google Translate to explain she died biking. It was heartbreaking watching them grieve. It highlighted how different cultures handle death, and I felt torn between Kiwi ways and Japanese customs.
How Grief Changes Over Time
Sasha
Has your grief evolved in the four years since she died?
Nina
Definitely. Early on, I tried to stay positive and keep going, but I’ve realized I need space to feel. I’ve allowed myself to cry, to be vulnerable, and to connect with people who can offer that gentle support or maternal energy. Some days I’m fine; other days I feel that “hole” my therapist mentioned, and I have to let myself go there.
Opening Up vs. Going It Alone
Sasha
If you could speak to younger Nina, what advice would you give her?
Nina
I’d tell myself not to be scared to let people in. I avoided sharing my feelings because I didn’t want to burden anyone, but I’ve learned that true friends want to help. Being open can bring you closer to others, and it makes the load feel a bit lighter.
Navigating Conversations About Death
Sasha
People often struggle with what to say. How do you prefer people show support?
Nina
Personally, I dislike hearing “I’m sorry for your loss.” I’d rather they say, “That must be so hard, and I’m here for you if you need me.” It feels less isolating, more compassionate. Everyone means well, but those small language shifts can really help.
Final Thoughts
Sasha
Nina, thank you for sharing your journey. Your insights about gratitude, culture, and letting people in are so powerful.
Nina
Thank you for having me. Hopefully our conversation can help someone feel a little less alone with their own grief.
Closing & Support Resources
Sasha
Grief is tough, and you don’t have to do it alone. If anything in this episode felt overwhelming or brought up heavy emotions, please talk to someone you trust—a friend, whānau, or a professional.
New Zealand Support
- Kenzie’s Gift offers one-on-one therapy for those under 24, plus resources and support kits at kenziesgift.com.
Outside New Zealand
- Check with your local support services, GP, or school counsellor.
- If you need urgent help, contact emergency services.
Thank you for listening. Take care, and we’ll catch you next time.
