The death of a parent is never easy, especially for a five-year-old like Vinnie. When his dad died, Vinnie’s mum, Abbey, felt at a loss about how to break the news and guide her son. Their story shows how the right kind of support can make a big difference for both a grieving child and the parent trying to support them.
“The Worst Thing I have Ever Been Through”
When Vinnie was just five years old, Abbey had to tell him that his dad had died. She recalls this moment as “the worst thing I’ve ever been through, it was like I’d just ripped out his heart.” Although Vinnie’s parents had separated when he was a baby he had maintained a strong bond with his dad. Abbey describes that both Vinnie and his dad shared a creative streak. As Vinnie’s father struggled with addiction Abbey found ways to explain the circumstances honestly but gently. She would say: “Your dad’s not very well. He needs to get better so he can be a safe parent.” Then came the sudden news of his death and Abbey felt lost and overwhelmed. She says: “It was a whirlwind. I didn’t know how to explain it—what do you tell a five-year-old?”
Searching for Support
A couple of weeks after Vinnie’s dad died, a friend sent Abbey a link to the Kenzie’s Gift website. Unsure where else to turn, Abbey reached out via email. She quickly heard back from Dr. Freyja Mann, who assured her that Kenzie’s Gift would be able to provide free grief counselling for Vinnie. The professional support was a huge relief for Abbey, who had been struggling to work out how best to support her son.
How Kenzie’s Gift Helped Vinnie
Vinnie began therapy sessions with Nicola, a Kenzie’s Gift therapist. Abbey describes Nicola as “super warm, super soft, and very respectful of the circumstances.” Vinnie was always happy to attend the sessions, which reassured Abbey that he was in a safe space to express his thoughts and feelings.
During therapy, Nicola helped Abbey create a special book for Vinnie that detailed his personal story with his dad—from how Abbey and Vinnie’s dad first met, to Vinnie’s early years, and the changes that happened later due to his father’s health issues. It also addressed the reality of his dad’s death. Abbey says, “It’s really Vinnie’s story,” emphasising how important it was for her son to see his life events laid out in a way he could understand.
Empowering Whānau
Abbey admits she struggled to know what to say or do while Vinnie grieved, often wondering how to handle questions from others about his dad’s death. Nicola provided guidance on how to respond and helped both Abbey and Vinnie prepare short, truthful explanations for others. Abbey calls this a “kind of toolkit. Having a line that you can deliver about the circumstances – that’s super helpful” Abbey said Vinnie’s therapy with Kenzie’s Gift empowered them both:“It reinforced that this was Vinnie’s dad and his story. He’s in control—he can pick and choose what he tells and to whom.”
By normalising that Vinnie was allowed to decide how much he wanted to share, the therapy sessions instilled a sense of ownership and confidence in him during an otherwise confusing time.
Life Beyond Grief
After Vinnie’s twelve therapy sessions ended, his therapist Nicola gave him a letter and some gemstones as a final gesture, recognising his experience and wishing him well for the future. Abbey says the entire process was invaluable, remarking that although the therapy was for Vinnie, she benefited greatly, too. Two years later, Vinnie is now seven and continues to thrive. Abbey remains grateful for the support they received from Kenzie’s Gift.
Asked about advice for other parents in a similar situation, Abbey readily recommends the charity:
“I’d say: ‘Reach out to these guys; they are amazing.’”
Need Help for Your Family?
If a young person in your life is struggling with grief or serious illness Kenzie’s Gift is here to help. Our professional therapists provide free sessions tailored to the needs of tamariki and mātātahi across New Zealand.
Ready to take the next step?
- Get in touch with our team for more information
- Access free resources on our website
We believe every child deserves the chance to be heard, supported, and guided through the hardest parts of life—just like Vinnie. Contact us today and let us know how we can help your family.
