Talking to Children About Suicide – A Practical Guide for Parents and Caregivers
As a parent, you might feel worried about talking about death and suicide with your tamariki.
When a loved one dies by suicide, it can be particularly confusing and painful for children (tamariki) and young adults (mātātahi). Kenzie’s Gift has created a supportive guide—“How to Talk to Tamariki About Suicide”—to help parents, caregivers, family and whānau navigate sensitive conversations in a truthful yet compassionate way. By addressing common questions, offering age-appropriate language, and suggesting practical steps, this resource enables you to approach an emotionally charged topic without fear and ensures children receive the reassurance they need.
Why This Guide Is Essential
Honesty Fosters Trust
Children are remarkably perceptive. If they sense avoidance or mistruth, they may fill in the blanks with misinformation or blame themselves for the death. This guide shows how direct, age-appropriate discussions can clarify difficult realities and offer comfort.
Reduces Stigma and Shame
Suicide can be surrounded by taboo and negative attitudes, leaving young people feeling isolated. By normalising these conversations, you help children understand mental health challenges and create a safe space to share complicated feelings like guilt, anger, or confusion.
Empowers Siblings and Extended Family and Whānau
Communication issues often extend beyond just the immediate parent-child dynamic. The guide addresses how to talk with siblings or other key family members, ensuring no one feels sidelined in their grief.
Key Topics Covered
Quick Tips for Starting the Conversation
Begin with simple, honest explanations and let your child’s questions guide the depth of detail.
- Use clear language like “suicide” or “took their own life” instead of vague phrases that might confuse children.
- Provide small, digestible pieces of information so they’re not overwhelmed.
Common Questions and Answers
Children often wonder, “Why did this happen?”, “Is it my fault?”, or “Could I die this way, too?”. The guide offers sample scripts for responding calmly and reassuringly, emphasising that suicide is never the child’s fault and that help is always available.
Emotional Reactions of Tamariki
Children might oscillate between crying and playing within a short window.
- They may show guilt, anger, shame, or depression.
- The resource stresses that all these reactions are normal and that every child grieves in their own way and at their own pace.
How to Help Grieving Children
Suggestions include creative memory activities like worry boxes, journaling, or making a photo album.
- Emphasises the importance of normal routines (school, playdates, extracurriculars) to restore a sense of security.
- Encourages open communication, acknowledging that parents may feel sad or cry in front of children, which can be validating for everyone’s emotions.
Additional Resources and Support
The guide closes by highlighting national helplines (e.g., Lifeline, Suicide Crisis Helpline) and child-focused services (e.g., Youthline, Kidsline). It also links to Kenzie’s Gift’s free resources on grief, memory kits, and professional counselling options for families who need more intensive support.
The Benefits for Your Family and Whānau
Emotional Wellbeing for Children
Clear, honest discussions lessen a child’s anxiety or confusion about suicide, helping them process grief more healthily and reducing future mental health risks.
Strengthened Parent-Child Bond
Children who feel heard and respected are more likely to trust you with complicated feelings. This trust is crucial as they continue to grow and face other life stressors.
Community and Cultural Sensitivity
Recognising each family’s traditions and values, this guide draws on te whare tapa whā principles—taha hinengaro (mental wellbeing), taha whānau (family wellbeing), taha tinana (physical wellbeing), and taha wairua (spiritual wellbeing)—to emphasise holistic care.
Prevents Misinformation
Proactively sharing facts around suicide helps ensure children don’t discover more graphic or distressing versions of events from peers, social media, or rumours.
Download or Order “How to Talk to Children (Tamariki) About Suicide”
If you’re ready to engage in compassionate, straightforward conversations that acknowledge a loved one’s death by suicide—and guide your child through loss—download or order “How to Talk to Tamariki About Suicide” from Kenzie’s Gift today. By taking proactive steps, you’ll create a safe environment for open dialogue, reducing confusion and helping tamariki build resilience.
How to Get Your Copy
- Choose Format: Decide between an instant digital download or a physical copy, depending on your family’s preference.
- Contact Us: Email hello@kenziesgift.com if you need tailored support, including grief counselling or help with memory kits.
Find More Support Through Kenzie’s Gift
Kenzie’s Gift offers free or low-cost therapy sessions, resources, and support kits for families experiencing grief and serious illness. Whether you need additional advice on mental health services, or prefer one-on-one therapy, we’re here for you.
The free kits are available to you if your tamariki and rangatahi are affected by serious illness or grief. We also have digital guides for parents/caregivers.
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