We desperately want the best for our tamariki / children and mātātahi / young people. But when we’re experiencing grief or trauma, it’s difficult – even impossible – to give them the best of ourselves.

One of the main messages of this guide is: you can’t pour from an empty cup.

Parents and caregivers will often put the wellbeing of their tamariki before themselves - particularly in situations where our tamariki are experiencing something really tough, like the death of a loved one. But the reality is that you are grieving too, and sometimes the best way to be there for your child is to look after yourself first.

In this guide, we look at ways you can support your own wellbeing, both in the early days of a bereavement and as time goes on. We use the Māori holistic model of health - Te Whare Tapa Whā - to consider all aspects of our wellbeing, and look at how these parts of ourselves might be affected by grief.

We include guidance on explain a death of someone close to your child/children, as well as what to prioritise when parenting in 'survival mode'.

This guide offers some detailed information on parenting as time passes; your child will continue to develop and grow, and their understanding of the death will change over time. Your relationship with your child, and the ways you parent through your grief will change too.